"WHEN I AM IN LOVE !!"

Falling in LOVE consists merely in uncorking  the imagination and  bottling the common sense .....

-  HELEN ROWLAND !

When I am in love ! When I am in love ? Well the fact that in the middle of the night I am blogging on love is a clear indication that I am very much in love . Yes! It is indeed love ... not a crush or an infatuation and No! It did not return back to me .... still on the wait ...hoping that one day destiny will shine upon me and I will have what I have been waiting for or rather whom I have been waiting for ...for years . But till then I can only reflect upon my actions "when I am in love!!"

When I am in love!! I go nuts . No seriously ,I do!! Being born an Aries I am  any ways short on self esteem but when love strikes whatever little that I have flies right outside the window. Being the fairer sex I should'nt be ever taking the initiatives (at least that's what I have realised with time.) Yet! I constantly continue to break the rules of courting and end up falling flat on my face and Ouch!! does that hurt. Not only do I end up losing the guy but also bittering the entire experience so much that we can't even look each other in the eye. Not that I do it intentionally . It is just that I am extremely naive and have no experience with the opposite sex because of which I don't understand their psychology and enter into battle without any preparation. It really sucks ... mostly post mistakes made in approaching ... because what follows is a phase which never seems to end i.e. self doubt... lack of confidence.. self hatred.. god hatred... hate ..hate... and only hate !! So, what does LOVE exactly make out of me "When I am in love!" Obviously it makes me a better and a bigger HATER! 

To top it all off what still follows that is loneliness and sadness . Agreed everyone says and feels that love is the best emotion and being in love is the best phase of one's life but for me those moments are the worst ... always have been ... at least so far ! I honestly hate to be in love and always pray to my god that I don't fall in love ... it is a scary phase you know! Of course! every experience has made me more mature and less desperate but also more bitter towards life and the opposite sex as a result of which I trust very little...fuss a lot and God! Do I start swearing like crazy . If there is so much negativity associated with love then how can it be considered the most positive emotion . I fail to understand. What I do understand is that in this world and for attaining happiness you do not need to love ... you need to be loved. As I have a lot of love for everyone around me but that does not define my state of happiness. It will be defined when I will be loved in return. So in short my happiness is controlled by someone else .... now that really sucks ! You know what sucks harder . It is when you are being loved by someone other than  who you love ! It is all so complicated ... Isn't it?? Well "when I am in love!" ... It is indeed complicated...It always has been !